Island Life

    Here in St. John there are two speeds-- relaxed and sleeping. The sun's intensity and the lazy way the wind blows your hammock ever-so-gently certainly have something to do with it, I'm sure. Not to mention the large and easily accessible quantities of rum that are always within a hand's reach and mixed into the kinds of beverages that settle a tumultuous mind with hazy midday dreams. Really, though, it's a certain version of well-being that fills you up with a sense of ease so profound, you find yourself peering in the mirror each morning and asking your own reflection, "Are you there, me? Because I don't recognize you with your white smile against that tanned skin and your eyes shiny with happy and rest." You have to pinch yourself for fear of losing the image before you. The islands do this to you-- relax you enough to send you the sleep of the blessed and restore you to yourself.
    This does not, of course, mean that the old world doesn't creep into your daily life. There are still bills to pay back in the states and family members to talk to and concerns for how things will be once this adventure is over. Life is never, at least in my experience, free of those basic concerns. In the end though, all you can do is ask yourself the same questions we always ask ourselves when life dumps its parts upside down and you're left to scrabble around in the dirt assembling recognizable pieces into some kind of dependable whole. Why worry when the world is as blue and green every day as the whole of Maine's summer? Why rush when there's no place to go but work, perhaps, or the beach (even better)? Really, why ask why at all? Just sit back, breathe deep and live. Worry only makes it worse
    That's what I'm trying to learn on this trip. I've spent a lot of time in my life worrying. This worry comes from a fear of losing control of things. Maybe it was childhood drama that made me this way. Maybe it was an inherent, genetic lack of self-esteem. Maybe there's an answer buried in the depths of my birth chart-- who knows. Whatever the case, I'm over it. 

    Thor keeps talking about being able to be "present"; aware, unconcerned, living fully in the now and embracing life for what it is, while it is, as it is. And though he always has many intuitive things to say; and though I am learning life-lessons from him literally every day as we share our little eco-cabin life together-- letting go of fear and worry; being present, is my most important lesson. So I'm running with it. Why else would a woman give up a regular, safe job to travel half-way down the planet to write while she lives off cobbled together savings in an eco-cabin, then a Dominican Republican Volunteer house, all the while fretting about love and her future? Because if all we get is this one life, I want live it. Presently, I am.

Now, let's get down to business....